Extracts from Jun's life. 3/3


    Jun was in a white world. No one else was there. It was Jun's heart itself, closed to others, closed to herself. It seemed hopeless. She had gazed at the air for a long, long time. Jun found somtheing moving. But she could not understand what it was. A long, long itme passed by, she found a man standing far away from her. And he was coming to Jun, closer and closer. Jun knew him. She tried to find his name from her old memories. The young man talked to her.

"Hello, Jun. Don't say 'Who are you?'"

"Hello. I'm sorry, but I must ask you who you are."
"Are you ok? Oh, I know you are not o.k. That's the reason why I came here. Then who am I? Can't you remember me at all? Well, I'm very gentle to the others. So I have to tell you. I haven't seen you for an age. Jun, I'm Jeff."
"Jeff!!"
Jun could not help crying. Her tears seemed endless.
" Stop crying, Jun. It's not the time for crying. I've came here to listn to your story."
" My story? Oh, I'm nothing. My soul dried up. I'm an empty space. There is nothing in me."
" Ha, ha. You are wrong. There is nowhere that is coompletely empty. Besides, it is better if you are an empty space as you will be able to receive and stock the more worthful things than you've stocked."
" Why you are so mean to me?"
" Not so much. I knew that you've got a great shock abecause you were betrayed by Louis. But you are here, you surely exist. Open youre eyes. You are still living."
" I'm ashamed of what I did. I noticed that Louis loved Rita, not me. I didn't want to admit the face. I wanted him to love only me. I was feeling bitter aginst Rita. I was afraid that someday Louis would come to see only Rita and I would never stay with him. I was the stupidest person. I lost my conscience by my poor wild fancy. Louis and I were good friends, though... My selfishness destroyed everything. I...I was relieved in the recesses of my heart when Rita fell into the sea. I lost the most important thing, that I must never lose. Louis tried to save her at the risk of his life. At the moment, when he dived, I felt my pride or self-respect, belief and otherthings were smashed to pieces. Then, I've been staying here. At first, I spoke ill of him because I thought he betreyed me. But it's not true. Only I believed that he was my lover. I wanted to have Louis to myself , just like a little kid ... no, I was worse than that. I was angry because it was against my expectation. It was sure that the relation between Louis and I would not be broken, even if Louis loved Rita. But I didn't realize the truth. If the person, who fell into the water, was the other girl, I would try to help her as much as possible. I thought to only give up, like ...'This ocean current is too cold to bear, so it's hopeless. We cannot do anything." I lost the most valuable thing out of jealousy. I am a betrayer. Louis and Rita must not forgive me. I'm disgusted with myself. I have to be away from the wonderful world. As punishment for my sin. Jeff, you think I'm so stupid and evil and hopeless, don't you? I couldn't live as Rusha wished me. How awful! I've wished someone's death... Oh, my soul be crushed and broken to powder. Disappear forever."
Jun wailed, lying down on the ground. Jeff - he had been listeing to her confession quietly - held her and let her ist leaning aginst him.
" Jun, don't blame yourself any more. Now you realize your mistake. You've wished her unhappiness, but because of it, you hurt your heart deeply. You know that to hurt someone is just to hurt yourself, from your heart. You've already atoned for your sin enough. Love yourself. It's only you to save yourself finally. However others wish to help you, they cannot do if you refuse them. Look. You can see peoples who love you very deeply."
The mists aroud Jun became lighter before she knew it. And where Jeff pointed, Louis and Rita were on the screan of mists.
" They've been coming to hospital to meet you every day. The doctor said that you couldn't recover, but they belive you're recovering. They love you, even now."
" I'm glad if.... it's ture."
" Listen to them."

"Can we stay together, Louis? I mean..."
" You thing of Jun, don't you? But you, and also I have never cheated her. It happened because I believed that I understood Jun and also she believed the same, but we both misunderstood each other. That's all. I'm sure that Jun will be glad for you and me when she comes to herself. She is a nice lady having a gentle heart and wise mind. We can understand each other better, now."
" I believe that. I know she is a wonderful and precious person. I want to listen to her unique and joyful stories again."

"The time will come. "
Jun felt that all her grievous and reserved feelings melted like ice in the spring sunshine.
" Jeff, I want to go out from here. I want to try again."
Jeff gave her a tender smile, and held out his hand to her.
" Come on!"

All mists were cleared up. They stood at the top of a high mounting. White clouds like cotton were passing slowly under their feet. A cobalt-blue sky stretched around above their heads and under their feet. Jun had never seen such a glorious sight, aht clear blue air lay upon a nile-green and blue lake shining glossily.
" It could be that the air and the water melted together. I've seen the sky mirrored in a ool, on a flat ground, but this is more wonderful. I can see how nicely and beautifully all nature makes a harmony. And how peacefully they live together!! And I am also the one of them..."
" Jun, never consider escaping from this splendid world. Troubles will teach you the important things each by each. Whatever you have, it can be changed better or worse as you like it. Don't give up improving yourself. Try to change all things better and better. It can be easy to live as Rusha recomended to you if you want. All your life is all you think. GO, and live yourself again."

WHEN I WANTED YOU

When I wanted you,
I could not remember how time passed by.
Like a miracle soap bubble, the world I lived
is easily washed away.
I've come to know that it was just an imitation.

Loving you is living through time, never floating away...
Loving you is, now I know, living better day by day.

When I wanted you,
I was blind to the truth of love and life.
Like a midnight reainbow, the world I wished
never had any real thing.
I've came to know that it was a sparkling illusion.

 

A song was flowing. It was the song that Jun had sung once in her childhood. It was played by the fairies of the island. They blessed her. She went down to the world Rita and Louis were waiting for her.

Rita and Louis were staring at Jun. The day was Jun's birthday, so they had been here since yesterday and got ready for the birthday party. They wished eagerly that a miracle would occur for their loving friend, Jun.
The Sun shot its arrow silently, and it broke through a cold window and lit up her face. She slowly opened her eyes. Rita and Louis took each other's hands with gladness. The most glorious smile was on her face.

 


The end.



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